Home of the Central Blues Australian Football Club

Well folks, we know we’ve said it before, you know, that whole spiel about how heavily anticipated the interview with each guest we’ve had on the show. And let’s face it – generally no one gives a rats-*beep* about the guest really. But we’re convinced that we might have hit the jackpot this time round. Sure we’ve had team captains, club presidents, Scott Camporeale lookalikes and even senior head coaches on this show. But we’re pretty sure our guest today might just be the Blues Brothers ticket to mainstream commercial success.

Welcome to THE most heavily anticipated Blues Brothers interview of all time. It’s taken us close to 2 years of negotiations with his ruthless team of agents and lawyers but we’ve managed to snag the self-appointed “People’s Champion” of the OAFL. Ladies and Gentlemen, please join us in welcoming the one and only Andrew Mark “Knackers” Dobson!!!

BB: Welcome to the show Knackers – can I call you Knackers? It’s pretty amazing to be sitting in your presence right now. With no shame at all – I’m willing to say that this has been a lifetime dream of mine to be able to interview a superstar of your caliber.  Kids, don’t ever give up on your dreams no matter how big or small they are. Or some might say, set your standards and expectations low and never get disappointed… whichever way you want to look at it – I’m pumped that I’m interviewing one of the best players the OAFL has seen. Thanks for coming in.

Knackers: Hey mate great to be here and thanks for inviting me in. I’m sorry I’m late; the last half dozen or so flights of stairs were a bit tougher than I anticipated. I think I might have been better off paying the $27 and jumping on the lift. 

Wow, what a view. Gosh you can see for miles up here.  I’ll bet you $5 that the next plane to arrive on the island sticks the landing.

BB: You're on. Now, you joined the club at the start of the 2008 season and immediately made an impact with your experience and talent on a relatively inexperienced Blues squad.  As you settled into the club, what were your initial impressions of the Blues footy club? (both on and off the field) 

Knackers: I’ll just get myself comfortable on this rocking chair ole’ son.  Geez its nice isn’t it.  Do you mind if we whack a bit of Neil Young on in the background, preferably start off with Harvest Moon.  

Sorry, what?  Oh, um, I’ll just have 2 milk and one sugar,  and if you have any of those raisen tea biscuits, I’ll take a couple, toasted with butter and jam.  

First impressions… I remember my first training session pretty well.  I was lucky enough to find a car park next to one of those little yellow things on the side of the road and then out of the 14 different sports being played on the U of T oval that day I managed to spot a Sherrin or two being flung around in the air.  I introduced myself to coach Cain, and took a moment or two to have a bit of a look around.  I like doing this.  I think everyone does this.  It provided me with a snapshot of time and reaffirmed that we were in Canada.  

I remember that Chaps, Bridle, Bruce, Elliot and D2, and anyone else I may have missed, came straight up and welcomed me to the club.  I remember thinking to myself that this could be a bit of fun, and that there were a few blokes here that didn’t mind a bit of a laugh.  And then the training began. Now I was really happy that these blokes didn’t mind a laugh. I remember there was this kid there named Eric, who had bandages wrapped over both of his hands.  Painfully I watched him partake in a simple lane-work exercise. As a general rule it can be pretty tough catching a ball without using your hands.  Like a deer hunter in the great north, I took it upon myself to drill my next kick at the young man in an attempt to move him to the sidelines, more for his own good then anything else. I think the Sherrin hit him somewhere between his left shoulder-blade and forehead. 

What time do the beer and wings normally come in?

BB: Ummm, we don't normally have beer and wings for our guests - but I suppose your agent did demand you get anything you ask for. While we sort that out, what have been some of your highlights so far in your time spent as a member of the Central Blues? 

Knackers: Are you going to eat your donut?  

BB: Well I was planning on it. But don't let that stop you...

Knackers: I think one of my early highlights was helping myself to Seeger’s cheese at one of the early barbeques.  I’ve never had a burger without cheese and wasn’t too keen to put an end to this.  Watching D2 in 2008 was a highlight. He had a fairly unique kicking action, probably best described as ugly, and yet somehow managed to squeeze through 25 odd goals. His kicking has improved no end and he looks as if he could kick a few more this year.  

BB: Haha - you do realise that D2 is the club president now don't you? Absolute zero-care factor. Can you give us a run down of the clubs/leagues you’ve played for during your career? 

Knackers: I grew up in Perth and played for my local club (the mighty Willetton Blues).  I went to school with a lot of my teammates back then, and I like to think that we all remained pretty good friends.

I played with East Fremantle in the WAFL U18’s.  Out of juniors I played mostly in the WA amateur competition for the North Fremantle Magpies, a passionate club steeped in tradition. I loved my time there and especially enjoyed playing against some of our bigger rivals.  At the time I would work the mornings at the local hardware store, geez I gave out some ordinary advice, and then would race off to play in the afternoon.  I still cringe at some of the advice I gave out over the trade desk.  I remember the phone call I took one morning from a customer who had just returned home from his shopping experience.  I thought he was ringing to tell me how much he appreciated my help, but I was wrong and the words “Have you got any f**king idea”, still ring through my head.  

A few of my close mates and I headed east in 2000, and we joined up to play with the great Oak Park, in the Essendon District League.  This was the best competition I had played in.  At the time it was a pretty big step for us driving across the Nullabor with not much more than a few dollars, a few dreams, and a 5kg bag of red frogs.  I must have eaten close to 3000 of those little red jubes, I remember being physically sick there for a while and the National Geographic were close to calling me regarding the mouth ulcer I had formed.  

We were an unbelievably close team.  I think it was here that we learned what it really meant to be playing for the Guernsey.  There were and still are, a number of old boys at the club, past players who would come down and give their two cents worth, every other Saturday afternoon.  Playing the game was almost as fun as sharing a beer or two with the locals after the game.  

I shifted from Perth to Melbourne a couple of times over the next few years and ended up leaving Melbourne in 2005 with my now darling wife.  From there I didn’t play much footy, bar the occasional cameo appearance with North Fremantle in the lower divisions.  Then I joined up with the Blues in 08.

BB: What a book your football career would make. Surely an autobiography is not too far away. Have you won any premierships with these clubs? 

Knackers: 2003 premiership with Oak Park stands out.  That was a pretty special feeling.  We went into the game as underdogs and didn’t look like losing.  The celebrations were pretty big.  I also played in a 2006 premiership with North Fremantle E grade, under the esteemed leadership of one Tully Misich.  

BB: What has been your best personal achievement(s) in your time playing football? 

Knackers: U14’s best Utility Player stands out for mine.  At the time I didn’t even know what this even meant and still struggling to come to terms with it.

BB: Send us a message when you find out will ya? During your football career you’ve played for, and/or played with a few players who either were former AFL players or who went on to become AFL players. Can you name a few of them?

Knackers:  The East Fremantle Colts side had a few handy players. The Carr brothers (Matthew and Josh), Phil Read, Jon Hay…Michael Collica was a year older and was playing on the league team with Ben Cousins, who looked a bright prospect at that stage. I like to think that none of these players would have made it to the AFL without my guidance.  I also like to think that Stonehenge wouldn’t have been possible without me.

BB: I'm sure the Stonehenge historians are rechecking their notes as we speak. Speaking of notes, it took Jmac 891 words to explain his thoughts on what happened in the 2009 season.  Can we get an M. Dobson run down on the 2009 season for the Blues? 

Knackers: I think the Blues had a pretty good season.  The standard of the league seemed to pick up a bit from 2008.  I think we lost a couple of close ones that we might have won, but you get that.  For me, 2009 was a year where there was a marked improvement in the overall game play of the Canadian players.  We trained pretty hard and it showed on the Saturday.

BB: Since joining the club in 2008 you’ve finished in the top 5 Blues Best & Fairest voting in the 08 and 09 seasons.  As the self-appointed “People’s Champion” could this be your greatest regret in your time with the Blues to date? If not, what would be your greatest regret and why?

Knackers: On the surface it doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense, does it?  How can you call yourself ‘the peoples champ’ if you can’t be the champion of the people? Finishing 5th in the B and F award probably doesn’t rate too far into my life’s regrets.  I’d rather talk about the positive impact the everyday avocado is having on Krystle and I. It’s a multi-purpose fruit in that you can mix in with all types of salads, pastas and sauces. BB, do you use Avocado in your cooking?  Do you mix it in with your sesame and peanut oils?

BB: Clearly nowhere near as often as I should. I'll add a couple of avocadoes on to my next shopping list. You don’t mind a bit of a punt (gamble) in your spare time, betting on anything from how many times you can bounce a pencil on a table to the number of one-handed push ups that you can complete (from my experience I don’t think I’ve seen you complete one).  Would you like to offer some odds on the Blues Best & Fairest Winner, Blues leading goal kicker and Blues Rookie of the Year for the 2010 season? (Perhaps your top 3 players for each category).

Knackers: Rightio.  

Kien La looks the goods on the track at the moment.  I’ve had the pleasure of running with him to training every other night.  He’s a nice bloke though he doesn’t shut up about his work.  Bla bla bla, on and on it goes.  I sometimes deliberately run 20 or so meters behind him just to get some peace and quiet.

Leading goal kicker could be anyone. Jmac kicked a few goals last year, which was good considering he spent the majority of the year down there.  Cain might kick a few if he plays forward this year.  D2 poses a threat as does Denton. D-rail is a good looking player when he pulls his socks up.  It’s always nice to kick a goal or two, and its terrific to see a rookie kick one through the big sticks for the first time, but to be honest, I don’t think too many  of the players in the team could give two shits as to who takes out the goal-kicking award.   

As for the rookie, I don’t know. Lindsay from the girl’s team looks alright.  So I’d put on a 3 Way Multi: Kien for F&B, Lindsay for the rookie, and whoever plays out of the forward pocket the most for the goal kicking.

BB: Solid looking bet. What are your thoughts for the upcoming 2010 season?

Knackers: 2010 promises to be a big year.  I’d love to be around to help celebrate Jase Cain’s 50th game, the rumour is every player is going to staple a couple of black caterpillars to their forehead, or one long one for that manner (longest one would be captain for the game), as a mark of respect for the great man.  I guess we’ll have to play Campa off a back flank that day.

I’d also love to be around to be a part of Andy Hans 3rd Blues appearance.  When do you think he’ll get there? Now you’re talking about a balls and all no holds barred competitor.  The only footage I’ve seen of him was on YouTube holding a clipboard. 

Seriously, for 2010, wow it looks as it could be a big year. Jmac and the coaching staff will have a large squad to choose from…it’ll be tough enough securing a place in the league squad. That’s the way it ought to be. Personal glory will have to be put aside in place of team success. I guess what I am saying is if you miss out on selection at any stage don’t get to disgruntled, cop it on the chin and work hard to get back in the team.

BB: You might not be taken too seriously off the field or on the poker table - but your football advice has always been respected by your teammates. So I'm sure this little nugget of Knacker Gold will be taken on - about training and working hard to get into the Div 1 squad.

But you might be waiting a whille for Andy Han's 3rd game - we don't think he's shown up to one training session all year. Rumours are abounding that he's on the waiting list to have his leg amputated.. that or his heart.  

Speaking of nuggets, we hear you've got some good advice for playing roulette - can you let us in on your secret? Apparently you only choose numbers based on stories in your life.  We want to have a crack at the game – so we’ll pick a couple of numbers – and you relate a story from your life involving that number:

Knackers: I think the best tactic to use on the tables is to place your chips on the closest square to where you are sitting and then quietly remove the chip from the table if the ball lands on another number. Conversely if you do pick the right number then that’s probably a good opportunity to slip a few more chips in. It’s both illegal and immoral but it can save you a bit of money.   Other then that I think the next best tactic is to stay away from the tables.  

23 – I was in Melbourne when I was 23.  I shared a house with some pretty good mates and got to work with one of the finest moron’s this planet has ever seen.  At the time I couldn’t believe the way he went about his business, nowadays I use him as a baseline as per means of comparison.  Generally, if you hear me call someone by the name of Frank, it means I don’t like him very much.  

3 – Can’t recall that far.  Most likely the number of people still reading this article. 

12 – Rolls off the tongue very well and a popular number in anyone’s language.  I like everything to do with the number 12.  Egg cartons, beer cartons, number of wontons in #11 from Spice Thai. Ph 416 598 0600.

BB: Talk about shameless plug. I didn't know Spice Thai was your sponsor? You’re most commonly known nickname around the club is of course Knackers. But our sources tell us you’ve got around 20 odd nicknames.  Can you give us a few of them and a little story about how each came around?

Knackers: I like to be referred to as Yao Ming when I’m changing a light globe.  My brother has called me a few names in the past…most recently Ernie Els, and whilst I was going through primary school he persisted with ABBA.  I refer to him as Frank.

BB: Not sure how you look asian when you change lightbulbs... Last season during the post match celebrations in Ottawa, one of the Swans players announced that you were unstoppable in the game earlier that day – that Swans player also went on to give you the title of the 2nd best mark in the competition (behind the Hawks Nick Shuttleworth).  Did that sting a bit?

Knackers: I guess any feedback is nice to hear, especially if you consider being the second best mark in the competition as a term of endearment.  I could have been titled with the 154th worst haircut in the competition, or the 7th best bum chin in Toronto.

BB: I never thought I'd ever hear the term Bum Chin during a BB interview. Anyways, during your time in the OAFL, who have been the best players you’ve come across? (Does not have to be Blues players)

Knackers: I can’t really pin point any particular player. Some of the Aussies are pretty good but that’s because they’ve played or watched the game for the last 20 or so years. I’m pretty impressed with the Canadian players at the Blues, having five players represent the Northwind team was a big achievement and I don’t think we’ve seen the absolute best out of these guys.  Adding to that, a couple of the players who have been around for a while, I think we’re looking pretty good.

BB: Apparently there is now a “Blues Nickname Committee” which has been going around handing out nicknames like they were non-fatal STDs (funny for others to get it, but you wouldn’t want it for yourself).  Given the fact you yourself have 20 odd for yourself, we thought that for this week’s One-Words-Worth we’d have you as our resident nickname appointer – and you could give the following players a Knackers-issued nickname:

Knackers: Ha. I’ve got a good name for Blues Nickname committee...Fidiots. As in f**kin Idiots.

-          Daniel Zimmerman – maybe Alf, as in alphabet.

-          Kien La – Spiro

-          Steve Bridle – Steven

-          Richard Jenner – Dick

-          Jaye Macumber – Cucumber 

BB: Since you have so many nicknames, do you believe that there is some sort of etiquette in terms of being given a nickname? Or do you believe a Nicknames Committee is the way to go?

Knackers: I firmly believe everyone should have a separate nickname for everybody else.  It’s a terrific idea, and is great to bolster numbers at a party of low attendance.

BB: You and your better half (the lovely Krystle Dobson) have been in Canada for about 2 years now.  What has been some of your favorite Canadian experiences so far? And does watching the curling on TV fall into the list of favorite experiences?  

Knackers:  Hurry, hurry, hurry hard.  Hurry hard alright, to find the remote and turn that sh*t off. We’ve had a ripper time over here, and without a doubt the Blues have been a big part of that.  We’ve had the opportunity to do a bit of travelling in and around Ontario and the neighbouring provinces with some pretty good friends which we very much enjoyed.  It’s definitely been a bit of an eye opener.

BB: One day you will appreciate the brilliant sport of Curling. Well as always we like to let some of our readers send in some questions to their favorite players.  This one comes from Stefan Edberg himself – yes the serve-vollier extraordinaire himself.

Stefan: Hello Mr Knackers, aside from being the self-appointed “People’s Champion” you are also the self appointed “Spectators Guardian” – making sure the Blues interchange bench does not end up standing in from of the Blues fans.  Have you got any apprentices in training to take over the day you leave the club? And what are some other aspects of Canadian football that annoys you?

Knackers: Good to see you Stefan. How’s that backhand of yours going?  Why do you always look so disappointed?  Did Ivan’s breath really smell that bad?

I’ve never understood this one. There is all of one tree at Humber college and is a perfect place for the spectators to sit, relax, talk about Minister Gimbrone’s various hiccups, drink some wine and occasionally look up to watch the clowns in action. Spectators are the lifeline to any sport.  It’s important that the 13 or so people who go to the game be blessed with uninterrupted vision of the great game.  Without them, players wouldn’t get the pats on the back they so crave and desire.  

Maybe we could tie the interchange players up, say, to the grandstand, to stop them from standing in the spectators line of sight, and if we’re going to do this we could probably put some muzzles on them.  Just like the scene from Blazing Saddles. That’d look pretty good.  Lefty and I came up with the idea during one of our busier working days that we could introduce a fulltime Blues Mascot down on the sidelines.  Someone who could entertain the crowd with a bit of Blues ‘Blues’ at halftime and then run around the boundary line for the remaining 100 minutes dressed up in some blue undies and a blue cape.  

Stefan: According to the OAFL collector card I have of you in my collection, I believe you recently turned 32 years old. If you had your time again:

a) What would be the top 3 things you would do?

b) What would be the top 3 things you would NOT have done?

Knackers: Did you want me to sign that for you Stefan?  Why were you such a boring player?

If I had my time again, I’d . . . 

a) 

• 1 – Marry my little princess again
• 2 – Continue to play backyard basketball every Saturday morning directly next to my older brother’s bedroom. 
• 3 – Spend more of my time working in a hardware store giving shit awful advice to trade customers, who really should have known better then to trust the immature knowledge of pimple faced 19 year old.

b) 

• 1 – Spent a bit more time away from our good friends at the Totaliser Agency Board.
• 2 – Umpire basketball at a young age. I had no desire, no commitment, and didn’t know the rules.
• 3 – Bought that Zinadare Zidane print from the Chinese fella near the Rogers Dome. Got it for $10 at the time and thought I’d got myself a bargain, until I realized that the pixels were 1 inch square.

BB: Thanks for that Stefan – some great questions – about as boring as your range of emotions shown on a tennis court.   

Now not many of our readers know – but Knackers; aside from being a gun footballer, is also pretty handy in the kitchen. What was the last new recipe that you attempted and what did your wife rate it out of 10?

Knackers:  I made my own pickles the other night.  And after I forced one down Krystle’s neck, she gave me a 6 out of 10, which we renegotiated to a 7.2.

BB: Haha - brilliant! Anything else interesting that our readers might not know about you?

Knackers: We’re leaving these fine shores in the next couple of months to head back to sunny Perth and start a new chapter in our lives, whatever that entails. It’s been great getting to know everyone and we wish you all future success. We want to thank the club for all of their support and trust that 2010 and beyond will be bountiful years for the Central Blues.

BB: Thanks for your time Knacks. I'm sure I speak for all our readers when I say that you have been one of (if not) the best players our club has ever seen. Your impact on the footy club both on and off the field has been tremendous - and your leadership will be greatly missed. It’s been a great honour to have you in our studios.